Women Rowing North: Navigating Life's Currents and Flourishing As We Age

“In Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, published in 1994, I wrote about teenagers; in Women Rowing North, I reflect on older women. Both life stages are sharp turns in the river requiring us to expand our identities.”

Pipher compares Women Rowing North to her book Reviving Ophelia, which focuses on the experiences of adolescent girls in a male-dominated society and the mental health conditions they face as a result. Women Rowing North addresses the issues that women face while aging in a society that devalues them. Pipher describes how adolescence and old age involve abrupt changes that shift one’s experiences and identities, often due to sexism. Adolescence involves an introduction to womanhood, when girls are beginning to experience the world as young women whom society views in sexualized terms, and old age encompasses the late stage of womanhood, when society views them as no longer sexualized. This illustrates society’s narrow focus on women as sexual beings who have a lifespan between adolescence and old age. In the book, Pipher shows how women can deal with negative societal views of them and the impact on their identities.

“This book explores a specific life stage from a feminist perspective, revealing the reality of women’s lives as opposed to the dominant cultural stories about us. We are much more complicated, intense, and fascinating than most of America’s stories suggest.”

Pipher explains how the book challenges negative societal ideas about women by presenting a feminist view of aging. Although she does not directly draw on or apply feminist theory in her paradigm, her argument is that by presenting a positive perspective on the lives of older women and their contributions to society, the book is inherently feminist. Presenting the whole of older women’s lives challenges narrow sexist and ageist views about older women.

 “Our growth requires us to become skilled in perspective taking, in managing our emotions, in crafting positive narratives, and in forming intimate relationships. We develop the skills of building joy, gratitude, and meaning into every day. By learning these lessons, we cultivate emotional resilience.”

Pipher emphasizes Facing Change With Growth, Adaptation, and Resilience and explains how growth and resilience emerge from learning specific skills, such as finding perspective, understanding emotions, strengthening relationships, cultivating gratitude, finding joy and meaning in life, and recreating narratives, skills outlined in Parts 3 and 4. These skills reflect the book’s focus on Intention and Gratitude Support Positive Aging and finding the positive aspects of life during the challenging period of old age, a life stage full of change. Adaptation and a positive perspective on negative emotions like pain, suffering, and loss can help one cope with change.

“Our journey through this life stage, while potentially beautiful, is arduous. Old age is always accompanied by loss. Eventually, one way or another, we will say goodbye to everyone we love. In our sixties and seventies, we are likely to spend more time in doctor’s offices than at concerts and more time at funerals than weddings. Maneuvering this stretch of river requires flexibility, a tolerance for ambiguity, openness to new vistas, and the ability to conceptualize all experiences in positive ways.”

Pipher acknowledges the increased presence of loss and death in the lives of older women and the increasing number of health problems they are likely to encounter. She uses the book’s overarching river metaphor to relate the skills needed to travel through a stage that is replete with loss and shows how these skills encourage positive aging in the face of loss and pain. Viewing this period as a “journey” connects with the river metaphor, as women travel on the river, and the use of the term “maneuvering,” rather than a word like “drifting,” reinforces the attention and awareness needed to navigate old age, mirroring the theme of  Refocusing on Self During Aging.

“For this book’s title I chose the word ‘rowing’ rather than sailing or floating because, to stay on course, we need to make an effort, choose a positive attitude, and maintain a strong sense of direction as we travel toward winter and the land of snow and ice.”

This quote reflects the book’s overall purpose: to show older women the skills needed to navigate later life, which necessitate effort to change their viewpoints and actions. Pipher also aims to show women that they can maintain positivity despite the challenges they will face and how to intentionally make these decisions. These align with the theme of positive aging and intention. Pipher’s emphasis on effort reflects the intentionality involved in acquiring new skills, making new choices, and holding positive attitudes in spite of challenging circumstances. The phrase “winter and the land of snow and ice” characterizes old age as the last season of life and winter’s association with death and dying through the death of trees, plants, and other vegetation. Older women will face death and dying during this life stage, and confronting this reality requires positivity and effort.

“When transitions happen and identities change, one of our great challenges is to find a new sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. That sounds simple but it isn’t easy [...] We construct meaning when we choose what to do, how to help, and what stories to tell ourselves.”

This quote refers to the transition that occurs when women shift into old age and their identities change with their new situations. Identity changes might occur due to their or their partner’s changing health, their changing physical appearance, loneliness, the deaths of loved ones, or a heightened awareness of the passage of time. Pipher contends that change offers opportunity to create new meaning and purpose for older women by intentionally deciding how to live their lives, knowing when to take care of themselves, and reframing their stories, skills discussed in Part 2. These skills require a focus on the self and having a conscious awareness of one’s needs and choices. This conscious awareness aids in creating more meaning and purpose.

“My premise is that there is an amazing calculus at play in this developmental stage. The more that is taken from us, the more capacity we have for compassion and appreciation. Growth requires healing from tragedies and integrating them into our own wholeness. Though we have lost a great deal, we can strive to become women who experience a great appreciation for life.”

Pipher refers to old age as one of the developmental stages that people experience, which range from infancy to late adulthood. According to psychologist Erik Erikson’s psychosocial development theory, late adulthood is a stage that involves reflection on one’s life. Pipher shows how old age involves loss and pain, which, upon self-reflection, can be turned into gratitude and growth, encompassing all the book’s themes. She posits that the more people experience loss, the more opportunity they have for gratitude and growth. Loss forces them to undergo a healing process in which they learn from the loss, thereby generating personal growth.

“On the high bank above the gurgling arroyo stood a large cholla cactus covered with bright yellow pears and thorns. Her pale green arms stretched Shiva-like in all directions. She was old and tattered with some of her branches blackened and withered. At the same time, a few new appendages of rich purple color were sprouting. That was exactly how I felt about myself. The starry-eyed high school girl, the young mother of a newborn, and even the woman who could ice-skate and cross-country ski had perished. Yet I could also feel new rich growth rising within me [...] I realized that this cactus with its withered arms symbolized what my life would be. It would consist of thorns and fruit, pain and beauty. My body would age; my soul would expand.”

This story relates one of Pipher’s personal experiences in coming to terms with aging. During a retreat with a Buddhist teacher, she was tasked with finding a meaningful object and designing a ceremony around it. She found a cactus that was both dying and living at the same time. She uses the cactus as a metaphor for how she feels about life in old age, which has aspects that are ending or “dying,” while she is also growing from the experience and sprouting “new appendages.” This shows how older people can both grow and leave parts of themselves behind. Pipher uses the pronoun “she” to connect the cactus to herself, as well as the words “old and tattered” to compare the cactus to the aging process. Shiva is the Hindu god of destruction, and like many Hindu gods, is often depicted with multiple arms to show his power and diverse qualities. Pipher’s reference to Shiva connects old age with the destruction of parts of oneself, as well as the power and diverse qualities of older women.

“Young people do not understand older people because they have never been old. When we are old, we have memories of being a child, a teenager, a young adult, or a middle-aged person. Our own experiences provide us with a vehicle for empathy and understanding. Younger people have no frame of reference for the experience of sixty-year-olds. They cannot quite imagine our felt reality.”

This quote demonstrates one reason why ageism exists: Young people distance themselves from older people because of their fear of declining health, declining attractiveness, and the closeness of death. Therefore, they do not learn about or understand older people’s experiences. One solution to this distancing is increasing the amount of interaction between the generations. In Chapter 2, Pipher argues that the young and the old can instead become “interdependent” and “interconnected.” This can create more empathy and understanding between the generations.

“Younger and older women working together is a great way to facilitate mutual respect, empathy, and understanding. Especially when we act together, we can create power out of thin air. Advocacy for a broader understanding of women in our life stage will not only benefit us, but it will benefit all generations to come. The culture shapes us and we shape it.”

One of the ways older women can improve their power and respect is through collaboration with young women on community projects, policy activism, or educational groups. She argues that women of all generations working together can create better advocacy for older women, which will then aid other generations when they enter later life, thereby impacting American culture. This collaboration not only improves advocacy for older women because a spectrum of voices contributes to the cause, but it also means better understanding between the generations as younger women learn about older women’s experiences. A lack of interpersonal interaction between the generations contributes to ageism, as she discusses in the chapter.

 “I had always seen myself as a strong, healthy, and competent person. I held the belief that if I worked hard enough, I could pretty much do anything. I couldn’t conceive of who I would be if I were not physically useful.”

This quote is part of Pipher’s personal story about losing strength in her hands, which had become stiff and sore. It exemplifies the impact of aging on people’s bodies and the associated effects on their identities. Pipher relates her hand problems to her identity as “strong, healthy, and competent” and views the loss of her usual hand strength as making her “weak,” unhealthy, and “incompetent” because she could no longer do some of the activities she used to do. She also mentions the need to feel “useful,” a response to the aging process when older people begin to be viewed as, and feel, useless.

“As we age, we all experience ‘worn bodies.’ The luckiest suffer small losses and minor health issues. Others must face dire health emergencies. Most of us fall in between these two extremes. We work harder at being healthy and yet we experience more illnesses and pain. This life stage requires a constant process of readjustment and accommodation. We suffer a setback, we regain homeostasis, and soon we are enjoying our lives again.”

Pipher explains how aging impacts people’s bodies and health. Her use of the term “worn” evokes the imagery of a well-used object, imagery that connects with her earlier use of the words “old and tattered” in the story about the cholla cactus. She explains that constant age-related changes necessitate readjustment in older women’s lives, which impacts their self-concept, and this must also adjust so that they can find new ways to enjoy themselves. She uses the scientific term “homeostasis” to compare this process to biological systems that adjust to changing conditions in order to survive and maintain stability. Older women must adopt a new state centered around adaptation to weather old age. They must learn to live with their health conditions and changing bodies, which aligns with the book’s theme of adapting to change, but they can find enjoyment in other ways, part of the theme of positive aging.

“For us to survive loss, we must grow, and it is this growth that will propel us into a life of even greater meaning and gratitude.”

Illustrating the book’s themes of Facing Change With Growth, Adaptation, and Resilience and Intention and Gratitude Support Positive Aging, this quote ends Chapter 6, which focuses on the loss and death of loved ones that older women experience. The quote emphasizes the interdependent nature of growth and loss and shows that growth helps women recover from loss and creates more gratitude in their lives.

 “Action is the antidote to despair. It may or may not help the world, but it always helps us. Hope comes from engaging in a hopeful process, such as planting a community garden, donating time or money to good causes, or helping people in our polarized country respect and empathize with each other.”

This quote shows how community action can help older women feel hope, which is a part of positive aging. This community action also creates connections between people and provides older women with more social contact to combat loneliness, discussed in Chapter 7.

“When we organize and work together, we have the power to change the world. Whoever we are, wherever we are, we are needed. When we act for the good, we move into our own power and into more authentic and connected lives.”

Pipher stresses the role of older women in creating community and changing the world, showing that they are needed, rather than unimportant, as societal ideas propose. This aligns with the book’s overall message about the importance of older women. She also connects the idea to the subject of Chapter 18—authenticity—by demonstrating how creating community can help older women lead more authentic lives while fostering social connections, all of which support positive aging.

“We can’t change our pasts, but we can still change our stories. It isn’t just long histories that influence our lives; it’s also the narratives we tell ourselves about that history. Stories allow us to make sense of our lives, resolve our omnipresent contradictions, and understand ourselves and other people. They give us the context for comprehending the flow of life that constantly surrounds us.”

This quote underscores the importance of stories in older women’s lives and as part of their identities. The stories people tell themselves about their lives constitute their identities and provide meaning. Because their identities are changing due to aging, women must rewrite their stories to reflect their new identities. The quote also refers to the “flow of life,” connecting to the book’s river metaphor, which illustrates how life is not stagnant like a lake but continuously flows and changes. Reconstructing one’s stories can provide meaning to the growth and change in old age.

 “Good stories build good lives. When we are lonely we can remember our good times with loved ones, a blazing sunset, or our sixtieth birthday dinner when everyone told us precisely what they loved about us. When we reexamine our stories with a focus on clarity, acceptance, and resilience, we grow in confidence and joy. Our stories, if carefully considered, allow us to heal from the pain of the past and live vibrantly in the present.”

Creating positive stories about their lives can help women learn how they have been resilient and accepted past struggles and challenges, prompting growth. This aligns with the book’s aim to illustrate the role of Facing Change With Growth, Adaptation, and Resilience, as well as the importance of positive aging. By reconstructing their stories to focus on the positive, they create happier lives and a fuller experience in later life.

“Recognizing our own contentment is an undervalued skill. Intense passion and excitement grab our attention, but contentment whispers in ways we may not notice. In fact, contentment is a basic building block of a happy life. When we are content, we can say, ‘Notice this. This is good.’”

Pipher explains that in a fast-paced world, people don’t often notice their contentment because it comes in quiet ways, and they must slow down to appreciate it. Having contentment connects with the chapter’s focus and the theme of positive aging because intentionally recognizing contentment can help women find more gratitude in their lives, creating a positive aging experience.

“Our stories help children develop identity, perspective, and a point of view that will shape the way they understand their experiences for the rest of their lives.”

Here, Pipher connects the chapter’s emphasis on the role of grandchildren in older women’s lives with the complementary impact grandparents have on them by sharing their own pasts through stories. This links with the idea of intergenerational interaction and its use to combat ageism by increasing positive perceptions about older people. The more grandchildren understand their grandparents’ lives, the more they will carry positive views of older people with them as they grow older.

 “No matter our circumstances, if we keep a green growing edge, we can make our lives complete and beautiful. Authentic lives result from a deepening process that requires us to listen to our bodies, our hearts, and our minds.”

Pipher uses the concept of the “green growing edge” from a quote by philosopher, theologian, and civil rights leader Howard Thurman. Pipher does not credit Thurman but uses the metaphor of the “green growing edge” to show the importance of older women constantly learning about themselves, constantly growing, and finding self-awareness for more complete and authentic lives. The metaphor links to other references to plants in the book, which serve to show that one can shed parts of themselves while still growing.

“Self-awareness allows us to separate our own needs and desires from those of others. We can ask over and over again, ‘What part of this interaction is about me? What part of this situation is not about me?’ These questions teach us to not take everything personally, and yet to also assume responsibility for ourselves.”

Pipher emphasizes the purpose of focusing on the self for older women, referring to skills they must learn in order to separate their own needs from those of others. Many women never learned to prioritize themselves as they were taught to sacrifice their own needs for those of others. Women are particularly vulnerable to self-sacrifice due to societal gender roles. With self-awareness and the self-reflection that comes with asking themselves about each interaction, they can take responsibility for their own needs and learn to have more authentic lives.

“‘Let the stars be the stars. That is enough.’ I felt a wave of peace wash over my body. For that moment, I could simply let things be. I looked at the sky for a long time. I felt grateful. I sensed the honesty of simply recognizing what is present.”

Pipher tells a story of self-acceptance during a trip to the Grand Bahama Island. At night, she looked at the stars and expected them to provide answers about her life. She realized that she could enjoy the experience as it was without needing answers from the world. This mirrors the theme of having gratitude for the way things are instead of having expectations. It also connects with the theme of focusing on the self in order to grow, as Pipher learns to reflect on her life to have that gratitude.

“We can see our lives as braided rivers with many strands coming together and interweaving. We can see the gentle turns and the oxbows, the ice jams, and the spring flows. We can begin to understand what is the riverbed and what is the river, or what is long-lasting and what is ephemeral.”

This quote is an example of the river motif Pipher uses throughout the book to reflect its title. She uses the word “river” to symbolize the journey of life, which in this quote describes how one’s river intersects with that of another, such as a family member or spouse. She continues the metaphor to include places where people’s lives become separated like oxbows that meander and separate from the river itself, ice jams that block a river’s flow or create obstacles in life, and the way life flows like a river. She also differentiates between riverbeds that are outside of the river, or the superfluous aspects of a person’s life, and the river—which is life itself—emphasizing the need to identify the important aspects of one’s life.