The Someday Birds

“Dad sustained a head injury. That’s the word they used, sustained. It means you’ve had to withstand something. But it also means something is stretched out, like a note of music, just played and held constant for a long period of time. That’s what it’s like now, with Dad in the hospital. Like this strange invisible hum is in the air around us, and Gram and the twins and Davis and I just have to keep listening to it, and none of us know how long it will go on.”

Pla’s use of metaphor in this passage captures the distinct way that Charlie sees the world. Charlie is trying to make sense of his dad’s injury and therefore of his own trauma. He does so by comparing the injury to music, a simile that captures Charlie’s emotional state. By emphasizing how long the “note” or injury has been sustained, he communicates the constant uncertainty and anxiety currently present in his life.

“I wish I could stay here in the gift shop and sketch the little bird statues. […] [S]eeing the birds makes me feel quiet and orderly. The birds are beautiful. The basic facts about them don’t change. Bird behavior is pretty consistent. You can write it down, know it, understand it. No matter how hard you try, you can’t do that with people.”

Charlie relies upon birds to feel calm and understand his world. His response to the bird statues at the hospital illustrates the ways in which birds help him cope with traumatic and overwhelming situations. Even under normal circumstances, he feels that he understands birds more than people, a trait related to his experience as a person with autism. This passage also foreshadows the ways in which Charlie will use ornithology to make sense of his new experiences and relationships throughout the novel.

“I stick close by the hand-sanitizer dispenser. And Dad just sits in his chair, looking bewildered by everything. Which is pretty much how I feel most of the time these days, too.”

Charlie’s dad’s hospitalization upsets Charlie’s sense of peace and balance. Charlie relates to his dad in this scene because he feels as overwhelmed as Robert, or Dad, looks. Dad is the primary person that Charlie relates to and receives support from, so this passage conveys how upsetting Dad’s injury is to Charlie and introduces his ongoing work to overcome this particular trial.

“Something about the way she says it—something about the way she touched Dad’s face in the photo with her finger—it just doesn’t seem right, even to me. Maybe Davis’s suspicions are correct. Maybe there is something strange going on, with this already strange Ludmila person. Should we worry about having her here? Was Gram right or wrong to send her? Something’s wrong. It is. But I can’t put my finger on it.”

Ludmila’s character creates new tension in Charlie’s story at the novel’s start. Because she is mysterious to Charlie and his siblings, Charlie isn’t sure that they can trust her. Her character therefore adds another level of uncertainty and unpredictability to Charlie’s reality and complicates his ability to find peace amidst his changing world.

“I turn to the first page in the journal, and get a shiver. In neat handwriting that’s not too different from my own Human Typewriter lettering, in old blue ink, are words that—could it be? Yes, it could!—words that must be—have to be—from the very hand and pen of Dr. Tiberius Shaw, PhD, himself: Dec. 26, 1969 If I study bird behavior, I am hoping I will eventually increase my understanding of human behavior as well.”

Dr. Tiberius Shaw’s writings help Charlie to navigate his world. Finding Shaw’s journal is monumental for Charlie because he has admired and respected Shaw’s studies for some time. The journal therefore becomes Charlie’s guidebook as he ventures away from home and out into the unknown. Like Shaw, Charlie will also realize how much he can learn about people from studying birds.

“I burst out: ‘NO! I want to go home! I NEED to go home!’ Davis and the twins stare at me. The dog whines. But Ludmila just opens the side door of the little gray car. ‘Sorry, kid. It’s all decided. No more protests. No more crying. Just driving. Everyone in. It’s a long trip and I want to get us somewhere special by midnight. Um…Do we have to take that dog? Really?’ And like it or not, off we go.”

Charlie’s road trip with his family forces him to accept new experiences, environments, and relationships. Charlie is desperate to return home because home is safe, comfortable, and predictable. However, when Ludmila insists that they must drive to Virginia together, Charlie realizes that he won’t be able to control his environment any longer. This moment foreshadows how being on the road with his family will challenge Charlie’s character.

“She nods. ‘When things got bad, he always told me: “Don’t worry Mila, I’m your right-hand man, I’m always here for you.”’ She shakes out her fingers and wrist, then puts her hand back on the steering wheel. ‘So this is where I put his name. On my right hand. My Amar.’”

Ludmila’s relationship with her brother Amar helps Charlie to think about his own sibling relationships in new ways. The way that Ludmila explains her tattoo helps Charlie to understand how much Amar meant to Ludmila, as Ludmila’s tattoo indeed represents the sorrow she feels in the wake of Amar’s death. Though Charlie quarrels with his siblings, the experience of knowing someone who lost their own sibling is jarring. It also relates to Charlie’s anxiety about losing his father, who is of equal importance to him as Amar was to Ludmila.

“I already washed up for bed. If I go out, then I’ll have to wash my hands all over again, twelve times. And this jacket smells funny, and it has buttons; I don’t wear buttons, and I don’t want to put it on. But then I think about the list. Maybe I’ll see that owl for the Someday Birds List. So I do the only thing I can: swallow hard, accept the grimy jacket, and follow her.”

Charlie’s Someday Birds List gives him the courage to try new things. In this scene, Charlie feels reluctant to go outside at night with Dr. Joan. However, he finds the courage to overcome his fears when he remembers his list and his desire to find all the birds on it, showing how essential the object is to his Journey Towards Personal Growth and Acceptance. The list holds similar power for Charlie throughout the chapters that follow.

“I have a thought. ‘You know what you guys? Dad and I had this list of birds to see someday. And we’ve already seen one—the great horned owl. There’s seven more on the list. I want to try to find some of the others. For Dad. So…maybe, along the way, we could go some places to do that. To find the birds on my list. Dad’s Someday Birds.’”

Charlie’s bird list offers him a way to connect with and help his dad while he is sick. His dad might be physically absent from Charlie’s life throughout most of the narrative, but Charlie feels close to him whenever he’s searching for the Someday Birds. Doing so gives Charlie courage to try new things, hope to overcome his sorrow, and pride in himself.

“‘Charlie,’ Davis used to tell me, back when she mainly acted like she still loved me, ‘you are a great kid. You’re thoughtful. And kind. And you care about people. And if people don’t get you, if they don’t want to take the time to look beyond the little quirks that make you special, well, then that’s their loss, and don’t you worry about it, because I love you, and you always have me.’ But I don’t think I have Davis anymore.”

Changes in Charlie’s relationship with Davis complicate Charlie’s understanding of family. Charlie used to be able to rely on Davis for support and guidance, but he fears that Davis is pulling away from him as they’re getting older. This moment reveals how much he wants to be loved, seen, and accepted by his family and foreshadows the lessons he’ll learn about his sibling relationships in particular.

“I sit on a log, looking in through the leafy branches. Tiberius sniffs around. I pick a maple leaf and twirl it around in my fingers while he meanders. Millions of these leaves all around, so many you don’t even really think of them as leaves, until you pick one single leaf, and it comes into focus. It’s got veins running through it, and it’s soft, with a dark green summer color, and it’s got this amazing symmetrical beauty. And then, you think: wow.”

Charlie’s cross-country adventures strengthen his connection with the natural world. Charlie has also developed a bond with his dog Tiberius, a relationship that inspires him to spend more time outside. In this scene, Charlie is giving Tiberius a walk and finds the time to study his surroundings, feeling calmed by them. These quieter moments away from other characters allows Charlie to dwell on The Healing Power of Nature in his life.

“There are some older ladies near us who have been looking at her. People do look at Ludmila. People look at me, sometimes, too—but not usually until after I start talking. ‘It’s not nice to stare,’ I say to them in a loud, flat voice, and they quickly turn away.”

Charlie’s ability to stand up for Ludmila in this scene at Little Bighorn illustrates Charlie’s personal growth. The more time Charlie spends with Ludmila, the more he empathizes with her. He begins to realize that they have similarities, which encourages him to start treating her the way that he wants to be treated. Though Ludmila is not technically family, she is in the process of being incorporated into their family’s life, and so this passage shows The Role of Family in Personal Development. As Charlie grows closer to Ludmila, he allows himself to be changed by his empathy towards her.

“‘Okay. That should about do it.’ She takes one last wet wipe from the box and cleans off her thick pink fingers. ‘Sorry about that. I don’t know why that leg leash keeps coming undone. It’s never usually an issue—Doodie never leaves his perch. He must have really liked you.’ She smiles. ‘He must have sensed something about you. Doodie’s a very good judge of character.’”

Charlie’s encounter with the parrot Doodie is another example of his Journey Towards Personal Growth and Acceptance, and as such, it makes him feel proud and capable. Charlie is surprised by this experience because Doodie is drawn to him and because Charlie doesn’t feel afraid or disgusted by Doodie. The scene also illustrates Charlie’s innate ability to connect with animals, something that empowers him throughout the novel.

“Davis. He’s the biggest bird-behavior expert there is. And think about it. First I found his bird statues in the gift shop. Then I basically stumbled across his very own private journal. And now his actual home turns out to be right near where we are going.”

Charlie’s admiration for Dr. Tiberius Shaw motivates him throughout his cross-country trip. Charlie not only enjoys reading Shaw’s journal, but he also gets himself to survive the road trip by planning his visit to Shaw’s home in the Sanctuary Marsh. In this scene of dialogue, Charlie is trying to convey the importance of this connection to his sister and therefore to communicate his complex internal experience.

“Right behind the tour guide’s left shoulder where no one else can notice it—because they’re all turned around looking at the engine—is a real, live, bald eagle. […] He is there for me, and for Dad. I whisper to Dad, even though I know he can’t hear it: ‘He’s here! The eagle from our list! He came!’”

Finding the birds on the Someday Birds List gives Charlie hope. Therefore, he feels encouraged and positive when he sees the eagle while on the Wisconsin Duck ride. To Charlie, the eagle represents good things to come and helps him remember that seemingly impossible things can happen, including his dad’s recovery.

“‘Did you see Charlie?’ Jake shouts to Ludmila, who is waiting with towels. She is smiling so wide, I can see all of her straight, white teeth. It’s so easy to read her visual cue! ‘Charlie did it! He did it!’ Joel and Jake are smiling and laughing. They are happy for me. It’s like they are proud of me! I feel like one of them! I am happy in a way that makes my stomach scrunch, that makes me want to jump up in the air.”

Charlie’s experience going down the water slide at the park illustrates the ways in which his character is growing. The water slide symbolizes a seemingly impossible challenge for Charlie. However, he realizes that he feels proud of himself when he overcomes his fear of new experiences with his siblings. Additionally, his experience as a person with autism—which, for him, makes trying new activities harder—is communicated through the reference to a “visual cue,” as the novel relates that social or visual cues can be harder for people with autism to understand. Easily understanding Ludmila’s cue makes him feel confident and connected to her.

“Tiberius Shaw is my bird guru idol. I need him to help me learn more about birds, because facts about birds help me calm down. Facts about birds turn mysteries—like murmurations—into something knowable and real. And finding birds in the wild, to cross off Dad’s list, well, that’s like a calm blanket settling down on me, soothing all my nerves. It’s better than a hundred hand-washings.”

Charlie’s deep connection with birds helps him to understand himself and the world around him. Furthermore, Charlie relies upon birds and bird facts to feel calm, balanced, and safe. The way that he describes his love for birds in this passage underscores how important the natural world is to Charlie’s healing and growth. Pla’s use of imagery, simile (“like a calm blanket”), and descriptive language here particularly underscores this facet of Charlie’s experience.

“‘Don’t worry; it’s okay. I know how you feel,’ she says. ‘I used to count in the shower, too, Charlie. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. And it took me forever to learn to drive, because I used to get panic attacks in cars. I couldn’t drive for years. So I understand what you are feeling about all this. I was just telling Ludmila how I am going to college to learn to be a therapist, now, to help other people deal with these things.”

Ludmila’s friend Mariana shows Charlie love and acceptance when she compares his experience to her own. Mariana doesn’t tease Charlie for his quirks but instead suggests that they might be a normal response both to trauma and as a person with autism. Her words are gentle and kind, which makes Charlie feel safe and seen. In this moment, he begins to realize that he might not be as different as he thought, and the ways that he copes with or expresses his autism are okay.

“Everyone is just fixated on the laptop. Ludmila looks pale. On the screen, Amar is silent for a few moments, leaning forward in his chair. Ludmila leans forward to meet him. […] Their faces look alike somehow, sister and brother. It’s really weird to watch this and know that Amar, the man on the screen, is dead. Being on the screen like this, it is kind of like being alive-and-dead. Amar makes me think of those extinct birds, preserved in a drawer.”

Learning about Ludmila’s life helps Charlie understand his own complicated experiences and relationships. When he sees Dad’s interview with Amar, Charlie receives a window into Ludmila’s sibling relationship and, furthermore, into her loss. This moment further conveys Charlie’s emotional evolution. It additionally reemphasizes Charlie’s reliance on birds to understand his own feelings. Comparing Amar to preserved birds helps him process the complicated idea of seeing someone who is dead.

“Old McGinty’s been driving me crazy, but now I want to defend him. I want to say: ‘What’s wrong with knowing everything about Revolutionary War history?’ Or even, ‘What’s wrong with being not quite right in the head?’ But I don’t say anything.”

Charlie’s response to Mr. McGinty at Colonial Williamsburg captures his newfound ability to understand other people. It betrays how Charlie might feel negatively about himself, as he is implicitly drawing a comparison to himself as “not quite right in the head,” but this experience makes him realize that there are other people in the world who think like him. This moment therefore marks a turning point in Charlie’s Journey Towards Personal Growth and Acceptance.

“Tomorrow was going to be the day. My chance with Tiberius Shaw in the sanctuary. When all my questions about human behavior and bird behavior would get answered. Sanctuary. Not surgery. I am still holding Shaw’s green journal in my hands, along with the map I’d made of how to find his house. I’ve been holding it since Gram’s phone call, holding it so tight that the bones in my hand hurt. So tight that my hands need washing, washing, washing.”

Dad’s uncertain medical condition further challenges Charlie’s character. As soon as Charlie hears that Dad is going in for another surgery, his mind turns to Shaw, birds, the sanctuary, and handwashing. These mental preoccupations are symptoms of Charlie’s anxiety and illustrate the ways in which Charlie is still learning to confront his fears.

“It couldn’t possibly be. It’s a little green parrot with a yellow head and red-orange patches. A bird that used to live around these parts more than two hundred years ago. An extinct bird. It’s impossible. But there it is, or I am really going crazy: a little Carolina parakeet, sitting on a reed stalk and whistling at me.”

When Charlie encounters the Carolina parakeet in the Sanctuary Marsh, he feels hopeful. The parakeet sighting reiterates The Healing Power of Nature, as the bird ultimately leads Charlie to a peaceful cove where he can calm down. It also shows how goodness can exist when things feel dire. This experience helps Charlie to confront his anxiety about his dad and ultimately leads him back to his family.

“‘Davis, honey.’ Dad smiles, and reaches out his hand. Then he falls asleep for ten minutes. Then his eyes open again. ‘Heyyyy…how’re my buds,’ he croaks to Joel and Jake, then he dozes away again. A few minutes later: ‘Charlie…’ Boom, he’s out of it again. He still talks a little bit out of only the right side of his mouth, but hey, he is talking. He is there. He is back.”

Charlie’s dad’s recovery helps Charlie to see the important The Role of Family in Personal Development. Throughout the novel, Charlie has been worried that Dad won’t recover from his injuries. In this scene, however, Dad is waking up and returning to his family. As a result, Charlie regains his sense of family and home. While the tone of this passage may seem nonchalant, Pla uses anaphora in the last three lines (“he is”) to show the importance of the moment to Charlie.