Evil Eye: A Novel

Yara immediately likes and feels comfortable with her new therapist, Esther. She is able to openly describe her childhood. She talks about how her father beat her mother, about how worthless she’s always felt, and about how much more freedom her brothers had. She notes that she’s been particularly upset for the last few months and realizes that it probably started the previous summer, when her mother died suddenly from a pulmonary embolism. She also describes the emotional abuse to which her mother subjected her. Esther explains the concept of generational trauma to Yara and tells her that she thinks that Yara’s mother had unresolved trauma from her youth in Palestine that she passed down to her children. Esther explains that such trauma is often passed from generation to generation, particularly within communities that experienced dispossession and displacement. Yara tells her that she wants to fix what is broken in herself, but Esther asks her to reframe her idea: She isn’t “broken,” she is in pain.

Fadi tells Yara that his parents are coming over the next day. Although Yara is upset at the short notice, she tries to step back and observe her reactions rather than lose her temper. At the dinner, Nadia is characteristically combative, but Yara tries to keep her cool. After Fadi’s parents leave, Yara asks him to help her clean up. He doesn’t want to, citing how tired he is. Yara points out that she is also tired. He gets angry with her, and when she tells him what her therapist said about unresolved family trauma, he rolls his eyes and calls it “bullshit.” He tells her that something is truly wrong with her, but it isn’t her parents. He says that she cannot use her childhood as an excuse. Yara realizes that she cannot spend the rest of her life with him without eventually taking her unhappiness out on those around her, like her mother did.

Yara tells Esther that she is thinking of leaving Fadi but that she has never lived alone and feels overwhelmed at the thought of providing for herself and her daughters. She is also worried about passing her trauma down to them. Esther tells her that she has already taken the first step to prevent that from happening and encourages her to start thinking about what life might look like on her own.

Yara decides to sell her paintings as a way to start making money. She shows them to Silas and his mother, who both think that they are beautiful. Silas’s mother buys one of them and asks if she can display the others at her workplace to get Yara more exposure. Silas tells Yara that he realizes that she is fearful, but she has actually overcome a lot in her life. He thinks that she is very brave.

Fadi comes home from work upset. He and his business partner got into an argument, and Fadi walked away from the business. Yara does not understand the specifics of what happened and asks for clarification. Fadi is vague in his answer and blames his work problems on her. He claims to have been too busy worrying about Yara to be a good worker. Although questions remain, Yara is silent. She lies awake that night doubting herself and thinking about the family curse again.

Yara recalls the day their landlord told her father about her mother’s affair. Her father asked Yara about it, and she felt that she had no choice but to tell him. Maybe, she thinks now, it had been retaliation for all of the times her mother had said that she didn’t love her and all of the anger she’d directed at her during her childhood. That night, her father beat her mother, and the children could hear it. Yara remembers trying to calm her brothers but cannot escape the memory of her father’s violence and her mother’s pain.

Yara explains to Esther that she cannot leave Fadi now that he has lost his job. She also confesses that she feels that his situation is her fault. Esther tells her that Fadi was wrong to blame his problems on her and that his work troubles are not Yara’s fault at all. Yara also confesses to having told her father about her mother’s affair. She blames herself for that act of betrayal. Again, Esther explains to Yara that she is not to blame. Children are not supposed to have to intercede in their parents’ relationships. She asks if Yara has ever considered hurting herself, and when Yara confesses that she has, Esther suggests increasing their sessions to twice a week.

Fadi does not seem particularly troubled about his situation, and Yara thinks that he prefers her silent and guilty to how she behaved before he shared his news. That night, she has nightmares about her parents.

Yara runs into Fadi’s business partner, Ramy. She apologizes for the impact she had on their business, and he looks confused. He tells her that she is not to blame for their work issues. He explains that Fadi had been charging the company for personal travel, slacking off, and claiming reimbursement for a storage room that doesn’t exist. He tells her to be mindful of their family finances because Fadi is up to something.

Yara confronts Fadi. He tries to tell her that Ramy lied to her and that Ramy had been having an affair and was worried that Fadi would tell his wife. Yara tells Fadi that she does not believe him. Fadi is angry that she would take Ramy’s side, but Yara does not back down. She sleeps on the sofa that night and realizes that Fadi must have been lying about many things for some time. She no longer feels responsible for any of his problems. She also feels as though she must forgive herself for her difficulties with her mother and in her marriage, as well as her struggles as a parent.

Yara meets with Esther. She explains what has happened with Fadi, and the two talk further about the way that Yara’s feelings of guilt have adversely impacted her life. The two conclude that Yara has never had anything to feel guilty about and that she deserves to forgive herself and move on.

Yara calls her father. She asks him point-blank why he mistreated her mother for so many years. He scoffs, telling her that her mother’s infidelity had been the true mark of shame for their family and that he was not the guilty party. Yara tries to disagree with him, but his views are unwavering. She tells him that she is going to divorce Fadi. He is enraged, but Yara, too, is unwavering. She will not let him or Fadi dictate her life any longer.

Yara tells Fadi that she is filing for divorce. He calls her “insane” and accuses her of being selfish. She will not be swayed by him, and although he is deeply angry with her, she remains steadfast in her decision to start life over on her own. She tells him that they can amicably decide how to share custody of the children but that their marriage is over.

Yara finds an apartment and moves out. She and Fadi agree to split custody of the girls, and Yara continues to see Esther. She dreams of being a voice for the voiceless and of creating some kind of artistic space geared toward artists of color. She continues to spend time with Silas and is grateful for his friendship. She feels at peace and is able to teach her daughters about how to manage their emotions better. She is happy in her new life.

Yara’s final journey entry recalls an uncharacteristically calm moment between Yara and her mother back in Brooklyn when they rolled grape leaves together. Yara asked about the hamsa charm her mother always wore on her necklace, and her mother talked about receiving it from Teta. When Yara asked if she could wear it someday, her mother told her that she wouldn’t need a charm for protection—but that she wouldn’t be able to protect her daughter, either. Nevertheless, Yara’s mother told her that there would be “goodness” ahead for her and that she would be able to do things differently.