All Boys Aren't Blue

Johnson’s memoir is a piece of nonfiction that groups its chapters in “acts,” much like a fictional play. The Introduction offers a clue regarding this choice, quoting famed African American writer Toni Morrison: “If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it” (14). Johnson has this phrase tattooed on their right arm, reiterating the importance of the phrase to the memoir’s author (NPR, “‘Give Them the Damn Information’: Questions for George M. Johnson,” 2 May, 2020). At the beginning of Chapter 2, Johnson restates the importance of narrative, saying that “stories are a common theme in this book” (29). Presenting this nonfictional memoir through acts functions as a framing device for Johnson’s memoir. Johnson tells us that they never had representation for people like them growing up, so Johnson uses their past experiences to craft a story creating this representation for a younger generation. The theme of making one’s life into a story, or narrativization, is important throughout the whole work. The introduction and the structure of the book alert readers to this. Each chapter is a self-contained story from Johnson’s life. Johnson uses their life stories to make sense of real-world issues and traumas.

Johnson uses a friendly and informal tone throughout the memoir. They comment on their own storytelling while narrating—for example, remarking on when they become sidetracked. Johnson utilizes these asides to create a tone that feels as if they are having a conversation with the reader. Johnson uses humor to this effect too, balancing out the heavy content of the memoir, which ranges from physical violence to sexual assault. In the first chapter, they end with a P.S., as if it’s an afterthought hastily scribbled to inform the reader of a small fact. In this P.S., readers learn that after a group of boys beat Johnson up, Johnson’s cousins and uncle retaliate by beating up the “main boy” and his father, resulting in Johnson’s cousins’ suspension. In the second chapter, Johnson tells readers to “pull up your seats” (29), reinforcing their friendly tone and the atmosphere of casual storytelling. Johnson communicates with readers in the way they wish somebody had communicated the Black and queer experience to them growing up.

Chapter 1 deals with Black boys’ struggles expressing trauma in a society biased against them. Johnson makes clear that their family could not have been more supportive, even when they lacked the language to understand what a queer child might be experiencing. Johnson attributes the attack that knocked his teeth out at only five years to their obvious differences from boys and, relatedly, to society’s unhealthy expectations for boys. This “difference” making Johnson an easy target surfaces throughout the memoir—for example, when older fraternity brothers harass Johnson and call them slurs. Compounding the trauma of being called a “sissy” as a young boy is the fact that Johnson is made to feel as if they cannot express that trauma, which leaves Johnson reluctant even to smile. When Johnson does smile, it is to appease others despite the pain they feel in the act. Johnson calls this “masking.” Telling this story allows Johnson to look back as an adult and understand that the expectations of masculinity placed on Black queer boys is “a by-product of a system of assimilation to whiteness and respectability that forces Black people to fit one mold in society, one where being a man means you must be straight and masculine” (23). Johnson often repeats throughout the memoir that they cannot separate their Blackness from their queerness. This intersection of identities comes with the double expectation that they will both perform masculinity and tough it out, covering up that they are queer as well as covering up the trauma of their teeth being kicked out.

Chapter 2 directly addresses issues of identity. As a child, Johnson learned they could go by either George, their first name, or Matthew, their second. Johnson writes that this gave them agency over their identity for once, making them both excited and happy. It was the “one identity marker that [they] had the power to define” (30), though Johnson knows this agency would not have extended to going by a girl’s name, like Dominique. Nevertheless, they reveled in this agency when they have had to mask so much of themself. Johnson has the “power to control [their] narrative” (30), linking agency and storytelling together through “narrative.” By framing their life as a narrative, Johnson is free to self-define and understand their own identity on their own terms. In this chapter, that means the freedom to choose between George or Matthew. In later chapters, it means being able to define their own orientation and understanding of masculinity and manhood.

Chapter 3 further explores Johnson’s identity in the broader context of queer Black culture. Johnson is unsure of whether their queerness is innate or a byproduct of mimicking the women around them, but they ultimately conclude this doesn’t matter. This feminine nature leads them to coin the term “honeychild,” joining a tradition of Black femmes creating slang that society at large quickly (and often problematically) adopts. However, because Johnson is raised as a boy and perceived as a boy, society and the school administration view their participation in “feminine” behavior, like saying “honeychild,” as inappropriate. Though Johnson lacked the language as a child, they now identify this as an important moment for learning “code-switching,” which is a kind of masking. It teaches Johnson that their queerness and feminine nature are unacceptable and must be swapped out for the kinds of behavior expected of a boy, at least around people who aren’t accepting. Code-switching becomes an act of survival and protection for Johnson, but it leaves Johnson feeling that part of them has been erased and that they can only be safe in their imagination. Narrative and imagination are therefore outlets for Johnson’s queerness, including the structures of fiction they have used to narrate their life. Johnson juxtaposes this against the “fake closed-lip smile” they use to mask their true self from the outside world (42).

In Chapter 4, Johnson must code-switch between who they wish to be and who society has decided they should be. Johnson must act differently around the boys than around the girls. Because Johnson violates gender norms by playing jump rope with an all-girl friend group, they are harassed by boys who call Johnson the f-word. Johnson explains at the end of the chapter that there is a running joke in the queer community that queer folks don’t do sports. Johnson, however, repeats the phrase “I chose to opt out” several at the beginning of the chapter, emphasizing the agency of the choice they make as a queer person to not join in gendered activities like sports. Johnson’s repetition explains that queer people forgoing sports isn’t innate but a result of harassment and stereotyping by those who do play sports. Nevertheless, Johnson proves to the other boys that they can play sports very well regardless of their queerness. The theme of breaking cycles of violence related to the Black queer experience is central to Johnson’s memoir, and Johnson puts this into practice by breaking stereotypes around queer people in sports. In doing so, Johnson defines their own relationship to sports and finds joy in running track, suggesting the relationship between self-definition and breaking harmful cycles.

Chapter 5 centers on the theme of breaking cycles of violence in the American education system. From kindergarten to sixth grade, Johnson attends a school with an all-white administration where people of color work as cooks and janitors. When the school does briefly touch on Black history (during Black History Month), Johnson finally feels like they can see themself in the history of the United States. This reiterates the importance of representation. Had Johnson continued to attend schools with all-white administrations, they would have held this inaccurate view of American history into adulthood. Attending a junior high with a predominantly Black administration reveals to Johnson the importance of perspective when learning history.

Chapter 6 reveals the importance of supportive family for queer youth. Unlike Johnson’s cousins, who all want the latest popular shoes, Johnson wants cowboy boots that stand out against the crowd. Nanny, who has supported Johnson’s differences in the past, buys the cowboy boots for her grandchild. Nanny is the family matriarch and thus normalizes the acceptance of queer people for the grandchildren who look up to her. Consequently, Johnson’s cousins Rall and Rasul love Johnson, as their teaching Johnson to swim illustrates. Johnson also interweaves discussion of Black history through the story of family love, connecting historical Black fear of water due to the transatlantic slave trade to their own inability to swim.